well, i did it. i quit my new job. well, walked out rather. i couldn't take being treated like a nuisance for being new and not knowing what to do. after a week and one day of having far too much down time at my desk with no direction, i left. i have an interview with a previous employer that would free up enough time for me to go back to school. BUT i just looked at all of the requirements for the RTEC program i want to do. i dont have any prior biology courses so that puts me at a disadvantage AND they only accept 10 students per semester! plus, the need for radiologists isn't AS high so come 2014 , there might not be a need for someone like me. plus, working at the previous place i worked at is a serious pay DECREASE, but frees up more time for Audrey. i'm really hoping and praying i made the right decision and that i get accepted, if not for the fall term, at least for the spring term next may. it will be tight money-wise, but if i don't try now and start this now, when will i go back to school? plus, if i get denied for the RTEC course, i can always become a CNA in the mean time and work at a hospital for a bit more money per hour. it's just that i really want this now.... i'm making all the necessary steps.... it's just a bit difficult treading unknown waters.
a friend once told a debtor on the phone "short term pain for long term gain." i wasn't sure of his sincerity, but the phrase certainly rings true now. i just hope that the short term pain isn't 4 years of pain and is simply 2 or 3 at the most. it's like i can almost taste my dream.... like watching cookies baking. you can almost taste them, but if you take them out too soon they are raw and mushy and gross. if you take them out too late they are crispy, burnt, and have lost their sweetness. i'm hoping that i'm not too late or rushing too soon. i want my dream, this cookie, to come out JUST RIGHT! (why do i always have food analogies?)
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
a forced breather
with all that's been on my mind and all that i have been trying to undertake, i have put myself in a very bad spot.
i have compromised my health for no reason.... i cant do anything to speed time up to get my answers. instead, i have given myself an ulcer, forced anxiety attacks upon myself, and have become a complete zombie. i'm missing out on enjoying little moments because i am trying to take on the whole world myself.
i don't know what it is that makes me feel bad for asking for help. i mean, josh lives in this house too. josh is audrey's daddy too. i don't know why i feel like i have to work 40 hours, cook, clean, and take care of audrey on my own.
i have dreams and ideas and things i want to do and everything has been put on hold because of money or audrey or josh's schedule.
i think i finally have a means to an end here and the waiting game is KILLING ME (almost literally).
i need a break. i need to relax. i need help and the ability to ask for it without feeling bad.
now how to start....
i have compromised my health for no reason.... i cant do anything to speed time up to get my answers. instead, i have given myself an ulcer, forced anxiety attacks upon myself, and have become a complete zombie. i'm missing out on enjoying little moments because i am trying to take on the whole world myself.
i don't know what it is that makes me feel bad for asking for help. i mean, josh lives in this house too. josh is audrey's daddy too. i don't know why i feel like i have to work 40 hours, cook, clean, and take care of audrey on my own.
i have dreams and ideas and things i want to do and everything has been put on hold because of money or audrey or josh's schedule.
i think i finally have a means to an end here and the waiting game is KILLING ME (almost literally).
i need a break. i need to relax. i need help and the ability to ask for it without feeling bad.
now how to start....
Thursday, March 24, 2011
dazed and confuzed
i have been craving change to the point of tears so much lately. the more audrey neared 1 year old, the more i just was like a thirsty person craving a drop of water. you know how that is.... when you had something too salty for dinner and you wake up in the middle of the night DYING of thirst and go to the bathroom or kitchen and get a drink of water and... it's like you're tasting water for the first time. water never TASTED so good before. water has never been so satisfying and you just want to keep drinking even though your belly is now full and gurgling.
well now i am at that same thirst point in my life, but for change. i hate the job i have currently (even though it's a new job). i don't like this industry and this is something i dont like, i'm not proud of, not interested in..... i mean, the list keeps going. i've wanted to go back to school for a while for radiology. the problem is time and money. i want more time with audrey. for some reason, i just MISS HER TERRIBLY moreso now than ever. i hate being away from her.
i am trying to source a plan of action to get some realistic goals in order. i started with a list. a 5 year plan if you will. it's not like it's november and i am trying to get a ton done in a short time. i have a lot of time left in this year and have some realistic things to get started on.
so here's hoping something good starts......soon.
well now i am at that same thirst point in my life, but for change. i hate the job i have currently (even though it's a new job). i don't like this industry and this is something i dont like, i'm not proud of, not interested in..... i mean, the list keeps going. i've wanted to go back to school for a while for radiology. the problem is time and money. i want more time with audrey. for some reason, i just MISS HER TERRIBLY moreso now than ever. i hate being away from her.
i am trying to source a plan of action to get some realistic goals in order. i started with a list. a 5 year plan if you will. it's not like it's november and i am trying to get a ton done in a short time. i have a lot of time left in this year and have some realistic things to get started on.
so here's hoping something good starts......soon.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
where has the time gone?
dude, audrey is 1.
her party is saturday.
im starting a new job monday.
craziness.
audrey took 8 steps on her own.
we'd gotten broken into and robbed.
craziness.
her party is saturday.
im starting a new job monday.
craziness.
audrey took 8 steps on her own.
we'd gotten broken into and robbed.
craziness.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
the battle of audrey vs the green vegetables
this has been an ongoing war.
audrey REFUSES to eat anything green (just like her daddy). it's getting harder to make my own peas or green beans and hide them in applesauce or something else that is sweet because she wants more and more foods that she can feed herself.
well, i found some broccoli florettes in the freezer and thought i might just go ahead and give it a whirl. i cooked them, put the little top parts of the tree on audrey's highchair tray and......
SHE ATE THEM ALL!!!! VOLUNTARILY!!!
i think we found a green she will eat!
audrey REFUSES to eat anything green (just like her daddy). it's getting harder to make my own peas or green beans and hide them in applesauce or something else that is sweet because she wants more and more foods that she can feed herself.
well, i found some broccoli florettes in the freezer and thought i might just go ahead and give it a whirl. i cooked them, put the little top parts of the tree on audrey's highchair tray and......
SHE ATE THEM ALL!!!! VOLUNTARILY!!!
i think we found a green she will eat!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
March For Dimes March For Babies
MAY 1st!!!!
I was reading my issue of Minnesota Monthly and going through all the delicious restaurants and deals and stumbled upon the March for Dimes March for Babies in May. There's one walk in St. Paul at Harriet Island, and another in MPLS at some place not far from me. Anyway, it kinda just struck a chord in me that this is something I want to be a part of. I wanted to run a half marathon or something with Audrey, but this 4 mile walk means more to me. I was very blessed and very lucky to have a very healthy pregnancy and a very healthy baby. Granted she was jaundiced when she was born and needed a bilibed, but that was it. There are many moms who have very TOUGH pregnancies with a LOT of complications and many babies who are born with complications, some not making it. I can't imagine the heartache of losing a baby or having to watch your baby with tubes and wires stuck to it. It breaks my heart. So, I decided to try to raise some money and walk in May. It would be super stellar if someone else wanted to walk with Audrey and I and it would be super amazing if you helped donate. I set what I feel is a low goal because I want to take some of my tax money and throw it in there once I hit the $250. I am looking for people who believe in helping fund this research to help babies. ESPECIALLY if you had an easy pregnancy (aside from heartburn and swelling) and ESPECIALLY if you have a healthy baby, I really feel it is important to give back a little. Maybe they can help find a reason or a solution to some of the issues babies are born with or some solutions to the causes. Any amount is helpful and ANYONE that wants to walk with me and audrey is welcome. It's May 1st, in MPLS, 4 miles, at 11am on a Saturday.
Come visit my page!
I was reading my issue of Minnesota Monthly and going through all the delicious restaurants and deals and stumbled upon the March for Dimes March for Babies in May. There's one walk in St. Paul at Harriet Island, and another in MPLS at some place not far from me. Anyway, it kinda just struck a chord in me that this is something I want to be a part of. I wanted to run a half marathon or something with Audrey, but this 4 mile walk means more to me. I was very blessed and very lucky to have a very healthy pregnancy and a very healthy baby. Granted she was jaundiced when she was born and needed a bilibed, but that was it. There are many moms who have very TOUGH pregnancies with a LOT of complications and many babies who are born with complications, some not making it. I can't imagine the heartache of losing a baby or having to watch your baby with tubes and wires stuck to it. It breaks my heart. So, I decided to try to raise some money and walk in May. It would be super stellar if someone else wanted to walk with Audrey and I and it would be super amazing if you helped donate. I set what I feel is a low goal because I want to take some of my tax money and throw it in there once I hit the $250. I am looking for people who believe in helping fund this research to help babies. ESPECIALLY if you had an easy pregnancy (aside from heartburn and swelling) and ESPECIALLY if you have a healthy baby, I really feel it is important to give back a little. Maybe they can help find a reason or a solution to some of the issues babies are born with or some solutions to the causes. Any amount is helpful and ANYONE that wants to walk with me and audrey is welcome. It's May 1st, in MPLS, 4 miles, at 11am on a Saturday.
Come visit my page!
Monday, February 14, 2011
busy bees
a lot has been going on- so much so that i have forgotten to write in audrey's little journal for over a month now....
she has been growing so much! she is FAST!! she cruises around the table, she will walk from one piece of furniture to the next, and she will hold ONE of my hands and start walking... all of this adventurous behavior has resulted in many goose eggs on the noggin, one cut, and a huge black and blue between her eyes. she also has finally said "mama," understands when people say "hello" and "goodbye," will wave if she hears those words, is learning more motor skills, is learning to eat more finger foods, and all in all is becoming SO independent. she is very clear about what she likes and doesn't like and will make sure everyone within a 10 mile radius knows it too!
i can't believe she is almost 1 already. it is so alarming to me. time has just zipped by! i'm glad i have some good memories to share with her when she is older though. our family has finally adopted "family saturday" which will be one saturday a month we go somewhere and do something special together as a family. weekends are hard because one of us either works, or josh teaches jiu jitsu. i think it is important tho that we set a date for a special family day.... i'm glad we are finally starting this month.
i am REALLY hoping to get back to school. after talking with my therapist, i realized that i'd been aiming too low with schooling. so... i am going to be working on going to school to be an x-ray tech or an ultrasound tech. it is only a 2 year program which is manageable, but the problem right now is finding the time to do it... josh works 2 nights a week til 9, i work one night til 8, the one nite i come home early josh has jiu jitsu til 9 and then there is FRIDAY! that would be my only free day at all.... so, i dunno right now.... gotta wait and see....
that's my monthly update for now. much planning to do for audrey's birthday. got cupcakes to make, party favors to get, balloons and decorations to get, and invitations to send out! SUPER excited! (mostly cos it's somewhere else and i don't have to clean it up!)
she has been growing so much! she is FAST!! she cruises around the table, she will walk from one piece of furniture to the next, and she will hold ONE of my hands and start walking... all of this adventurous behavior has resulted in many goose eggs on the noggin, one cut, and a huge black and blue between her eyes. she also has finally said "mama," understands when people say "hello" and "goodbye," will wave if she hears those words, is learning more motor skills, is learning to eat more finger foods, and all in all is becoming SO independent. she is very clear about what she likes and doesn't like and will make sure everyone within a 10 mile radius knows it too!
i can't believe she is almost 1 already. it is so alarming to me. time has just zipped by! i'm glad i have some good memories to share with her when she is older though. our family has finally adopted "family saturday" which will be one saturday a month we go somewhere and do something special together as a family. weekends are hard because one of us either works, or josh teaches jiu jitsu. i think it is important tho that we set a date for a special family day.... i'm glad we are finally starting this month.
i am REALLY hoping to get back to school. after talking with my therapist, i realized that i'd been aiming too low with schooling. so... i am going to be working on going to school to be an x-ray tech or an ultrasound tech. it is only a 2 year program which is manageable, but the problem right now is finding the time to do it... josh works 2 nights a week til 9, i work one night til 8, the one nite i come home early josh has jiu jitsu til 9 and then there is FRIDAY! that would be my only free day at all.... so, i dunno right now.... gotta wait and see....
that's my monthly update for now. much planning to do for audrey's birthday. got cupcakes to make, party favors to get, balloons and decorations to get, and invitations to send out! SUPER excited! (mostly cos it's somewhere else and i don't have to clean it up!)
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