Tuesday, December 23, 2014

coming to some serious terms

the year's almost over.  i never thought id be MORE thankful for a year to end in my life.  seriously.
this year has brought more headaches and drama than i would like to admit dealing with.
this year has brought so many people in and out of my life you'd think i had a revolving door attached to me.
this year has brought so many challenges and hardships that i would love to say i faced head on, but alas, i can not.

i cracked.
i caved.
i failed.
i buckled.

you guys, i came to terms with some really important information:

i can NOT handle everything.
i need help sometimes.
i can only handle so much before it is just too much.
even machinery has weight limits... i don't know why i thought i could bear the weight of the world and then some on my very frail shoulders.

i would like to say that my cracking and caving did not amount to much damage, but it did.
i wanted to die.
i cut myself worse than i have ever in my 31 years of existing.
i hated myself in every aspect possible and isolated myself from a lot of people.

i made poor choices with my life and my health.
i can say i didnt put bubs first like i always strive to.

but im walking away at the end of this year an amazingly strong woman.
i've found my voice.
i've found an acceptance with myself that i never fully had before.
my head feels clear and focused.
i've cut dramatic and stupid people out of my life.
i've learned to make peace with a lot of situations and live in a mindset of peace and love.

do i have bad days?
sure do.
are there days that my depression and anxiety take over?
sure are.

i'm able to manage them now.  finally.
i'm learning how to change my pattern of thinking from self destructive to healthy.

i can honestly say that i am looking forward to this new year.  it is going to be drastically different.

now if only my liz lemon-like luck with the male gender would change... haha
i gotta have at least one disasterous yet humorous aspect to my life tho.... come on now...

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