Saturday, November 27, 2010

back to basics

i've gotten lazy.  i understand how a lot of people can do it.  you get up for work early, get ready for work, get the kid ready, go to work, get the kid from day care, go home, get the kid settled with dinner, grab yourself something quick, get the kid a bath and ready for bed, put the kid to bed, and finally, finally, finally, YOU yourself get a few minutes of quiet before it's time for you to go to bed.

where do you fit in time for exercise and taking care of yourself?
i used to just go for a quick run with audrey or take a walk but with the subzero temps (ok at least it FEELS that cold), and the ice covering the streets and paths, i am stuck in the house....

i wish josh wasn't so busy so that i could get some time for me to go to the gym... i'm hoping today or tomorrow to get a chance to go.  that is, if audrey behaves.... she's teething so she's been SO fussy lately... and gassy.... and i think she got josh's glorious reflux!

i have decided though once we get our finances and bills sorted that i am going to just make sure we have healthier things to eat, that i take TIME to cook, and that at least 3 days a week i get to the gym- even if it's just for a half hour or so.... but i MUST do it! 

i think i will be a better wifey and momma if i remember to take care of myself sometimes too.
yesterday josh watched audrey again so i could take a nap ( i couldn't sleep more than 20 min ), but at least there was that....

i'll be no good to anyone if im a tired, unhealthy grump!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

belly laughs

laughter is truly the best medicine.

i am a naturally stressed out person.  for as long as i can remember everyone tells me to relax and i have no idea how... honestly just no clue.  but try laughing for a minute.  you just feel lighter. 
that whole statement that it takes more muscles to frown than smile is so beyond true.  it hurts when my jaw's been clenched for an hour or so and im pouty, but it is so effortless to smile. 

well i've been having a rough weekend full of just cleaning, making baby food, and taking care of josh, pickle and audrey.  yes, josh is a grown man but i end up cooking dinner or cleaning up after dinner or having to remind him of something to do and it's just like one thing after the other with me.  so needless to say, my jaw's been clenched a lot this weekend and finally NOW i have a minute to myself to just sit without having to rush to complete another task.

well, during audrey's bath i decided the quickest way to get rid of the bubbles and get her out of the tub was to just scoop them up and splash them out (she was in her baby tub in the big tub since the kitchen was occupied with fresh dinner for our guests).  poor mommy was just in a hurry to get one more thing done that i was completely taken off guard when audrey started laughing as i splashed out the bubbles.  and not just her usual squeal and screech.... this was something i hadn't heard since she was about 4 or 5 months old - a full on belly laugh.  and it wasnt a fluke either.... she kept going and going with each splash.  she was so contented and amused by mommy violently splashing bubbles out of her tub and into the big tub that she had this deep giggly chuckle....
it was so cute that grouchy momma i was being couldn't hold it in and laughed SO hard that our guests came upstairs to see what i was laughing at.

being a mom is entirely exhausting and tiresome most days, but moments like those remind me just how rewarding it is above all else.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

TSA go away!

i know they think they are being safe, but where does it end?
daily there are more and more horror stories of TSA agents taking advantage of their positions and being highly unprofessional in their job duties.  on that same subject, who implemented these new procedures as necessary and not public humiliation and a violation of our rights?
I am no political activist, but ever since having audrey, i feel like i need to watch out for her and protect her, and the new standards of preflight screening seem a bit unnecessary.

the strip search xray machines pose a few questions in my mind off the bat:
- are they safe?  they havent been around long enough to test the repeat effects of the rays.
- are they ok for kids/elderly people?
- why do they have to be SO lifelike and graphic?  why does it have to be an actual physical naked photograph?
- if they are supposed to be deleted after they are looked at, why are these private photos surfacing on the internet?  isn't this just like porn?
- why are the measures so drastic if you decide that because of these and possibly some other very good reasons, that you would like to opt out and not subject yourself to a naked photograph and potentially harmful rays?

the new pat down procedures also pose a few questions in my mind:
- why are the tsa agents administering these security procedures not screened more harshly before they are given jobs?  why are the screening procedures to get on an airplane more rigid and harsh than getting a federal security job?  (we have convicted rapists and sex offenders giving men, women, and children grabby pat downs.)
- why are there no exceptions to the "either body image scan or molestation" pre flight screens?  if youre traveling with children or the elderly or vulnerable adults, why is the policy not a bit more flexible? 
- why do you have to stick fingers and hands into/on places that are PRIVATE???  i can see a pat down, but why the need to give me a breast exam and pretty much "wipe me" with your gloved hands?
- why do you have to extensively pat down a child?  what is my daughter hiding in her diaper besides poop and pee?  you might find the squash from last nite's dinner but that's about it.  if a child is screaming and frightened and crying and yelling "stop it!" at a tsa agent, why hasn't anyone seen that something is wrong?

when is this going to stop?  i have to take a flight in january with audrey and it's either subject both of us to harmful rays or subject both of us to a public grope-fest.  she is my daugther and i live to protect her and keep her safe from any asshole that would try to harm her or hurt her or get their jollies off by touching her.  i'd break every last bone in their body.  yet the government in the name of safety has turned into a pack of perverts.  where does it end?  what other rights and freedoms have to be taken away next?

Friday, November 19, 2010

winter hunger

no one seems to have an answer for why all of a sudden as the temperature drops and the sunlight lessens we become MORE hungry.  i'm sure there's some scientific reasoning or old wive's tale as to why, but it's nothing i know of.
and why is it that in the winter, we crave healthy things less and are drawn more towards salt, meat, baked goods, stews, and rich hot chocolate? 
in the summer i could LIVE off veggies, hummus, salad, and fruit.  my only weakness is iced coffee and the occasional ice cream treat.  once fall hits and the weather chills i want cookies, chilis, bread, casseroles, stews, rice, and potatoes. 
i mean, i understand the animals and why the squirrel that keeps trying to break through my upstairs window looks about as big as my cat- he's getting ready for winter, hibernation, and needs to stay warm outside. 
i live in a house with heat and have a lot of warm clothes (most of which fit).  so why is it that i can't stop EATING lately?  is it because i am drinking a ton of water to counteract the ridiculous amount of salt i've just consumed?  is it the coffee kicking my metabolism into overdrive and making me more hungry?  is it boredom since i can't go outside with audrey and take walks like i used to because it is 20 degrees out?
what is it?
whatever it is, it is killing my diet.  i had 5 pounds to go and now i think i have about 8.  i look like a darned balloon again.

and on this self loathing topic I AM MY WORST CRITIC!!!!  people at work tell me i look great after 8 months of having audrey out of me.  and what sucks worse is that i gained almost 60 pounds and like many, gaining weight is a cinch for me.... but losing it, there has always been my weakness.  if i were stupid and younger, i would revert back to my childhood and go back to starvation or crash diets of coffee and ice cubes and lettuce leaves with 4 hours of exercise attempted per day.  but this is reality- i have a full time job which allots me no time at all to get anything done and i have a baby.  josh works more than i do and stupider hours and has to teach jiu jitsu 4 days a week so it is fair to say that i have 2 full time jobs.  where do i get time to work out?  again, i am so hard on myself.
the great jean war is still going on as my old jeans still refuse to get past my hips.  i stare enviously at other women's bodies (especially those i know that have had kids already and are back to normal or THINNER) and wonder what the heck i'm doing wrong and why i cant just be thin again!

why is this even a big deal i wonder!  as long as we are all healthy it shouldn't matter but i guess because i was teased so much and liked so little for being heavy, i just want to be back to what i remember as a good size - but then i wonder if i am so mentally warped if any size will ever be good enough.

audrey's approaching 1 year old soon and if i am not back in my jeans by then, i might have a meltdown. 

so back to overeating.... i am making it my winter/holiday goal to CHILL OUT.... but so far, the past few days i have failed and failed miserably!  tomorrow's always another day, right?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

give me the simple life

Ella Fitzgerald - Give Me the Simple Life

I don't believe in frettin' and grievin';
Why mess around with strife'
I never was cut out to step and strut out.
Give me the simple life.

Some find it pleasant dining on pheasant.
Those things roll off my knife;
Just serve me tomatoes; and mashed potatoes;
Give me the simple life.

A cottage small is all I'm after,
Not one that's spacious and wide.
A house that rings with joy and laughter
and the ones you love inside.

Some like the high road, I like the low road,
Free from the care and strife.
Sounds corny and seedy, but yes, indeed-y;
Give me the simple life. 

Strangely enough, I love Ella Fitzgerald but never really knew of this song before....This has been on an episode of Family Guy that I've seen 100x or so and it was on again last nite and I just had to look up the words.

I am honestly very glad Josh live as humbly as we do.  If anyone knows us, our house isnt put together at ALL.  Our living room is near 90+ year old woodwork, yellow walls, a blueish gray recliner/rocker, an  olive green couch that is beat to hell, a tan ikea coffee table, and scattered toys.  There is a giant lamp on a bookshelf and a vaccuum and exercise ball in the next corner.  On one wall there is a map of the Nassau County bus line with photos I took in Northern Ireland and Dublin surrounding it.  On the opposite wall there is a photo of my grandma and grandpa's wedding day and underneath that there is a photo of the 42nd Ave subway entrance that I took in 12th grade.  We have no dining room table and have left that room for traffic and tatami's.  Audrey's room is yellow with pictures of kids we know and furniture that we received from friends or found in the garage.  Our upstairs is just a place for a bed and a tv and some clothes.  Our bathroom has no theme and nor does our kitchen.  But, we're happy.

The only things we splurge on are food.  We got our bigger (yeah it's just big-ger, not big) tv on craigslist and our bed was on clearance.  We like to eat.  We like to feed other people.  Most anyone who has been to our house knows how much Josh loves grilling (and even THAT thing we got on sale after Thanksgiving last year) and loves people coming over.

I'm glad that it takes little to keep me smiling.  Give me coffee and some cereal in the morning and I am the most content person (as long as Josh or Audrey dont disturb my 20 minutes of "me" time).  Give me a car that gets me to and from my job without breaking down, and I am happy.  Give me a job that pays me enough to take care of bills and things, and I'm happy.  Give me a responsible and trustworthy day care, and I am happy.  Give me smiles and laughs throughout the day, I am happier than a pig in mud.

I'm glad that I was given such a poor example as a kid.  I'm glad I was taught to live outside my means and be scraping to just get by.  I don't want that for myself.  I always vowed when I had a child that she would be my #1 priority always.  I always want to make sure she is clothed, fed, and taken care of before Josh or myself.   I'm also glad my dad was so hard on us too.  It was the whole "do it right or don't do it at all" kind of ethic.  I'm glad.  I might not have a great job but I put this attitude into everything I do.  At least I have THAT self fulfillment. 

I also like that I am a bill collector because it keeps me humble.  I can't complain about the minor things in life because I have a one up on so many people.  I have a job and a family and a support system and a house that is being paid for, bills that are not months behind....

So back to the song.... "sounds corny and cheesy but yes indeed-y, give me the simple life!"

Monday, November 15, 2010

ive always wondered

ive always wondered why people at work insist on taking personal calls in the bathroom and act like you are invading their privacy when you go in to "do your business."
ive always wondered how the person on the other end feels when they hear toilets flushing or someone passing gas.

i've always wondered why people are so selfish and cant see that by giving, you better everyone's situation.

i've always wondered why people with very large orders go through the drive-thru.

i've always wondered why bad things happen to good people.

i've always wondered why really inept people have jobs i am more than capable of doing but somehow can't get hired at.

i've always wondered why a job application will require experience in that field but most people are just starting out and have no experience.

i've always wondered how traffic starts.

i've always wondered why we cant just eat and eat and not get fat or have diseases.

i'm sure i'll wonder more but that was all for now.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

the perils of the frosty white

i am not a winter fan.  God only knows why i left NY (the occasional winter hell-hole) to move to the great lands of MN that are wintery and cold for half the year.
BUT i did and here i am.
yesterday involved some non-stop flakes that were HEAVY.  very very HEAVY.  needless to say there are a few trees in our yard that have missing support branches that are scattered across my property.  there are worse things that could have happened..... i mean, it very well could have knocked our power out, but it didnt.
i have to say that the only thing i like about winter is the exercise.  last night i shoveled the stairs, the walkway, the sidewalk, the back walkway, the driveway (which is all grass and dirt) and part of the alley.  this morning i am still quite sore, but i feel GREAT actually.
another thing i love about winter is the ungodly amounts of coffee and hot chocolate i consume.  i have an excuse though- it's cold.

i hate driving in the snow/sleet/ice/frozen rain.  it's bad enough on a normal day with people acting like total buffoons, but with acclimate weather, people are more braindead.  i worry about someone spinning out of control and hitting my car and hurting audrey.  i would kill the person that harmed her.  i am not joking.  i would jump out of my car and go straight ax murderer on them... no joke.  see that ice scraper in my trunk?  :)

well, that's enough complaining.  my new car actually handled the nonsense quite well yesterday so i am a bit less afraid of driving in the snow. 
and my shoveling job is still in tact from yesterday which means that maybe, maybe, maybe, no more snow... for now.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

falling falling falling

im sick of snow falling.
im also sick of tree branches falling.

i am so angry we got robbed by a friend of ours.  you trust a friend who owns a landscaping business and then he steals your money and the harder you fight to get it back, the longer the wait.  i wish i would have gotten my money back to pay an honest person to trim our trees.  ugh!

we have like 7 trees on our property (well 3 of them are like 2 connected) and they are all very tall and branchy.  the snow outside is so heavy that they are bowing and falling under the weight.
i am TERRIFIED that there will be damage to our house or our neighbors' houses.  i dont want that.

it doesnt show any signs of stopping until tomorrow evening and i am WORRIED.
i also dont want anyone passing by to get hurt if something were to fall.

at least my car got in the garage and didnt get stuck.  one positive thing in the midst of this white hell.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

the idiot police

lately i have been more and more afraid driving.
people are just.... well, idiots.

here are some occurances from this week alone (i am not exaggerating ANYTHING):
-i was trying to get onto hwy 100s to get to work and a fedex express truck was trying to race me and not let me on (there was a lot of early morning traffic) and i almost ran into the concrete where the lane ends.
-i was stuck behind a guy in a fancy car who was trying to drive, drink a redbull and text.  ne2edless to say he stopped short alot and i couldn't get around him.
-i had a truck do the "switchsignal" move... A TRUCK- switched lanes and signaled while switching lanes..... a TRUCK!!!
-i was trying to get from the left lane to the right lane to make my exit for work and got stuck behind the lane shifter.... the lane shifter that forgets he has a signal.  needless to say this jackass got off on my exit which has 2 lanes that he decided to drive down the middle of.... then he got off at the same stoplight as me and would NOT signal that he was turning or anything....just random brake lights here and there.
-the 4 way stop lady.... there was a guy who was going straight to the left of me, i needed to make a left hand turn and there was a lady across the way who was going to go straight.  i got to the stop sign just a hair before she did.  i should have thought that she would be braindead.  the guy who was going straight had the right of way so he went.  then i decided to make my turn and she decided to go straight.... just as i was turning she decided to lay on the horn for a good grip... she was just a blip in my rearview mirror and i could STILL hear the horn!
-then there's the usual "tailriders".... the "one second pause stoppers".... the "fly into oncoming traffic"-ers....the "slowman in the fast lane"-ers...

i feel like a seinfeld episode with all these nicknames.  but i get so nervous still when i drive.  i'm terrified someone will be so careless and hit me from behind or on the side where audrey sits...

i wish people would just wake UP and be CAREFUL.  some of us have some precious cargo on board!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

you think by now...

you think by now josh would have gotten it....
you can NOT have guys over and drink late anymore!  more importantly, you can NOT have guys over and drink late on a SUNDAY!!!  you and your guy friends can NOT be LOUD when it's late regardless of the day because AGAIN i get stuck with a cranky baby!

i get up for work at 530....
i have to pump, shower, get breakfast, get audrey up and fed, get her dressed and get out the door to work.
i do NOT have time to alter my schedule and cater it to a stranger being on the couch...

sometimes i just dont think guys THINK!  you have a KID and a "wife" that goes to bed early and gets up early.... NOT time for parties anymore.

i am so irritated right now.  they are being SO loud in the basement which is right under audrey's room so you can hear EVERYTHING!  she is having a hard time sleeping tonight as it is so i am getting even more irritated right now because i am worried she is going to wake up.

i want to screeeeaaaaam!!!!!!

guys out there, if your wife is pregnant and you like to drink and have people over, understand this:
YOU need to take a backseat once your kid is born, step up, and HELP!  stop thinking of YOU and what YOU like to do and HELP!

i feel so burdened right now and have i mentioned IRRITATED?
i have been alone all weekend because of people and jiu jitsu.... i get to take care of audrey while everyone else is out and about because she's been sick.  i didnt even WANT anyone over.....
and now, it's sunday and we work tomorrow so, WHY drink so much that someone can't drive home??

plus, the LOUD VOICES in the basement under my kid's room are driving me NUUUUUTS.


Friday, November 5, 2010

at the end of 7 months

i cant believe audrey will be 8 months next week!  it is insane how time has flown by.
the sad thing is, this almost ends our time of nursing together.  my supply has gotten BEYOND low and i dont have enough to send to day care for her.  so, we have started supplementing 1-2 bottles a day at day care ONLY with formula.  sucks cos i really didn't want to give her formula at all, but it is helping me get some milk stored up so it wont have to be an every day thing.  it is sad cos i think i will miss her nursing more than she will.  it's our snuggle time and i love when she looks up at me and just smiles her big toothless smile.  it is awesome though that she self weans.  she weaned herself off a nuk at like 3 months old and could really care less what she is being fed as long as she is fed it.  i like that she is so adventurous and likes to have new tastes and experiences.  im actually quite lucky to have such an adaptable baby - unless it's bedtime!  she needs her bath, her jammies, her books, and her bed ONLY.  sucks when we're out somewhere!  then it's meltdown city, population 1- audrey!

on another note, i realize how much moms do.  moms spend their time taking care of their children, worrying about their kids, keeping up the housework, and being exhausted.  dads work and have hobbies.... (at least in my world).  i cant even remember when i had a minute to get a hair cut or go to the dentist or doctor for my own self .....  i think working moms deserve an even bigger reward for getting everything above done and working 20-40 hours a week!  it is so hard! (that's what she said....)  i feel like when audrey needs mommy LESS, daddy will be a bit less hesitant to keep her for an afternoon for me.

im kind of thankful he chose to stay home with her monday when she was sick.  he even told me himself, "you don't really have time to do anything!  i thought i could nap when she napped but then there was just so much to do and just when i thought i could do stuff she woke up again..."

that was actually the biggest joy to hear of all things.  we had a nice conversation how exhausting it is to wait til she goes to bed at night to get stuff done or get up extra early on the weekends to get things done.. i just don't ever want her to think a clean house comes before a happy house.  she does like to watch me cook and plays with her measuring cups or in her exersaucer by herself but still....

life is so busy and is flying by so fast.  i'd rather memories than a clean house and gourmet eats... plus, when audrey can walk and explore more i am so sure she is gonna want to be outside with daddy on "the great cat hunt" and not inside with mommy all the time.....(they go chasing after our cat together and it is SO cute cos audrey goes "tuhhh tuhhh tuhhhh kuh kuh kuh" at the cat....

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

a picture's worth a thousand words

so the guy that did my half sleeve books up REAL quick.  REAL quick.
so, i know a want a tattoo to honor audrey and just how awesome she is and how happy i am to have her but i am still at a LOSS for what to get.  since he books up so quickly, i already made appointments and have a consultation for dec 11.
soooo here's the ideas so far:
- a half sleeve of a page in our favorite book "Mommy Calls Me Monkeypants" of the momma monkey and baby monkey (since audrey is my little monkey)

-then there's the mommy giraffe/baby giraffe idea since her favorite toy is a giraffe named Sophie and she has a stuffed giraffe and a giraffe dress.... here are some pics i found

so, i guess- vote on your favorite idea or pic.  just remember, i have a very dark half sleeve on one side with some cherry blossoms.... i kinda want another half sleeve but dont wanna be too matchy matchy or too out there so it looks stupid.

post your votes in the comment spot below and HELP ME before december 11.