all for thinking a positive thought

that's what i get for thinking...
that's what i get for thinking anything positive at all...

i cant sleep.
up every two hours checking my phone to see if you in fact have blown me off or if you finally had something to say...
an 'im sorry....'
a 'hello...'
something more than silence...

im good at receiving the silent treatment...
so much so to the point where i can smell it coming from a mile away.
like a bloodhound i can sense it coming.

it's like an animal smelling fear...
i smell it coming.
only this time i ignored it...
i thought maybe i had seasonal allergies or something stuck in my nose...
no.

the truth hurts sometimes.
the truth can hurt a lot of the time.
it hurts now.

i hope you'll wake up and tell me it was all a mistake...
a dead phone...
a long day...
a bout of anti-social behavior...

but i know better than to expect anything positive.
it's pessimistic to say, but i know better.

maybe it's my knowledge that keeps leading me to these potentially disastrous outcomes or maybe it is just the path that i am currently on.
maybe the fact that i predict what i know leaves the future to be inevitably bleak or maybe that is just the life i get to live... one catastrophic outcome after the next.

all i can say is that if you know heartache and heartbreak, sadness and sorrow, disappointment and rejection and regret... i'm your woman.  i have stories for days, feelings for years, and frown lines to put any geriatric woman to shame.