Thursday, June 11, 2015

later and patience....

i need to get the word LATER out of my vocabulary.
i over-use the SHIT out of that word.... much like the word shit.
every time i set my mind out to do something, i utter the word "later" and it never gets done or it gets done pretty half assed and i have to say as of right now i am behind on a lot of things and very disappointed in myself.

but also i need to make the word PATIENCE my daily mantra. 
no, im not where i need to be right this second, but im headed there. 
im on the right path and going in the right direction.
that's enough for now.

i hate microwaves. 
i mean yes, they are convenient and i am a busy mom and they can come in handy to reheat some leftovers or make my morning oatmeal, but really... they've damaged me personally.
i've been taught to expect things to be immediate.
i find myself mad at this said appliance when it doesnt heat my food up fast enough because i am in such a dangerous hurry to get on with the rest of my life in what free time i have.
i've been taught to grow frustrated with waiting, to grumble and complain when things aren't how i want them, when i want them.

NOTHING is seriously that immediate.
i have found myself repeating the word "patience" to myself over and over in situations where i would normally grow impatient and flustered.
in traffic.... while driving.... in line at the store.... while waiting for food to cook....etc

i get frustrated because i put off exercising for "later" and then have zero energy to do more than a bare minimum i set for myself.
i grow impatient with my attempt at eating healthy and getting my ass moving because i don't see immediate results on a scale or in my pants.
i grow impatient with my "lilmommacakes" business cos it isn't busier or better.

seriously.... this is not how anything works.
nothing worthwhile or lasting is ever immediate.
the best and most amazing things take time.

rarely do we as a society or i myself celebrate the small accomplishments and triumphs.
today i started to.

today i got out of bed and went to my doctor appointment.
today i made myself a really healthy breakfast and prepared dinner for myself for tonight when i'm at work so i dont eat crap.
today i did some exercise.
today, inspite of the gloomy weather, i am feeling hopeful and positive for no particular reason other than it is a new day.
today i am remembering that the scale will never tell my worth, only a number.
today i am mindful that everyone is dealing with shit.
today i made the start to a website and made a to do list for my life and my lil business.
today i took my meds.
today im thankful for people in my life and the small steps that have gotten me to where i am right at this moment.
today i remember i'm a work in progress and nothing truly lasting is immediate.

so today im taking positive steps to be more patient and thankful.  today i am also focusing on the word later and trying to let it leave my mouth less often.  the healthy balance of those two worlds will lead to a healthier me.... in time.

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