maybe things are looking up....
well, i had a massive mental overhaul the other day and things i think are finally on the upswing.... although there are a few people still that make my heart sting with their blatant ignoring me, but.... maybe there's a reason they're inching their way away from me. maybe they're not the people i thought they were after all.
i BEYOND passed my placement tests for school, got accepted, and realized i will soon be in debt up to my eyeballs, but ....i will have accomplished something. i will have an associates degree in SOMETHING I WANT TO DO AND CAN DO! i dont think ive been more determined about something (except when i was training for BJJ AMERICAN NATIONALS 3 years ago). even then, i had to prove all the guys wrong that told me i was stupid for going and would lose right away. i got a gold medal on my mantle that says otherwise. same with getting my associates in medical assisting. this is something i know i can and want to do. i can test out of some things and am determined to just go full swing and get it done earlier than the 2 year assumed end date.
for once, i feel focused. for once, i feel driven. i want to put everyone in their place for quitting on me and put myself in my place for quitting on me.
on a non selfish note, audrey is thriving greatly! the doctor was very impressed with her cognitive skills, how much she understands like when you give her a direction to do something, her imaginative skills, and the fact that she says more than 5 "words." it was also a sweet and refreshing thing to hear from her doctor that i am doing a fantastic job and am a great mom. i dont always feel at my best or that i'm doing anything right, but ... life is all about learning. the day you stop learning is the day you stop living.