Sunday, February 26, 2012

had just about enough

i am so tired of people stepping on me to further themselves and their egos.
i am also tired of being everyone's doormat.
so much is expected OF but nothing is given BACK.
i cant carry the weight of the world on my shoulders while running a marathon and being suzy homemaker.  i cant do it.
because i carry myself with a tough exterior, im thought to have no feelings and that i can handle anything.
guess what world?  i cant.
i am a human being.
i have thoughts and feelings and hobbies i want to pursue and i get worn out and sick and tired. 
i am not your stepping stone to reach the next level.
i am not a revolving door that you can go in and out of while making me dizzy trying to assume whether youre coming or going.
i am not stupid.
i need to repeat this.
i know youre a liar.
i know youre still lying.
i know you lied.
i have evidence.  and more than enough.
and while i was severely stupid before, i dont believe you now, nor will i ever again.

my heart is so bruised and i am at a point where i don't feel like trusting a single person.
i have no way to tell if what someone is telling me is false.
i always prided myself on my keen ability to distinguish the phonies from the genuine.
guess i wasnt as smart as i thought.
duped on numerous occasions, i am now skeptical, cynical, and bitter.

so thank you world.  you have done me well.
i used to believe that the world could live at peace.
that people could just be nice to each other, say what they were thinking respectfully and kindly, and that hugs could solve problems.  i thought words could build people up and provide security and solace.
little did i know how dark the world really is.  words are weapons.  arms are weapons.  thoughts are evil and mennacing.  people are selfish, rude, greedy, and egotistical.  people care little for others' safety and wellbeing.  people care little for the advancement of others above themselves.

i dont want to live in a world like this yet all this world does is shut my eyes to the reality i think could be.  i get asked why i cant write happy songs.  really?  you really need to ask?
if enough people hurt you and lie to you and step on you and squash you and belittle you and use you..... if enough people take advantage of your generosity and warmth and hospitality, i think you'd run out of happy sounds too. 

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