i am overwhelmingly disgusted with the human race in general. i suppose i have a load of bad karma headed my way for things that ive done. maybe thats why the past 7 months, while im growing and learning and being a better person, have been nothing but a shitstorm heaping rubble and debris on my head. i think tonight i kind of snapped.
i was really excited. i had a zoo date with a nerdy boy with brown hair, straight nerd glasses, facial hair, who had the same style as me, same taste in music, and was a straight NERD. in fact, he asked ME to the zoo. turns out he was seeing someone else and dumped this all on me tonite. not day 1 when i told him to be upfront and honest. not day 2 when we talked for almost 2 hours on the phone. nope..... 115 am the "morning of" our said date.
i should just brush it off since i barely knew him. that would be sensible and downright logical. and im working toward behaving in that way. but....he's not the first. there's "i need to find myself" guy, "i just wanna hook up" guy, "i got my ex gf pregnant" guy, "im seeing so many people i cant keep you all straight" guy, the "you have a kid so that means you have leprosy and aids and herpes and gonorrrhea and cyphilis and every other terminal disease" guyS, and yeah the list goes on....
moral of the story (as i do the typical girl thing and shove chips in my face while venting about a stupid guy), dont watch movies. it's all bullshit. that stupid lie that they subliminally feed us that there is this perfect person out there that wants to be with us and will sweep us off our feet and be the sheer image of all that we've been hoping for. BULLSHIT. they do that so we buy make up, get our hair done, buy lingerie, buy condoms and birth control, and go out to fancy dinners.
seeing as how the past 7 months single has been (without really intentionally LOOKING to go on a date mind you), i am going to go into hibernation and sleep and eat the shit storm away.
honestly. i dont want a boyfriend. i just wanted someone to chill with and go do fun stuff with that happened to share a mutal feeling of interest. i dont want someone checking in on me and needing to meld our lives together and circles of friends. i dont want to see this person every day and weekend that i have free. im starting to think that i am meant to be the bitter old spinstress, the cat lady if you will (if only i didnt hate my own cat so much this might be possible).
so dear friends and readers of all genders, i am going to be cynical and bitter for a while. i am going to hate on most men that cross my path and be really mean to the them if they try to be nice to me. honest to goodness, it's goin down. kelly haines is going to be hurt no more.
and on that note, i should put away the chips.