Tuesday, May 13, 2014


i havent had internet for a while so ive been away from this thing called a laptop.
i gotta say it did me a world of good.
being away from social media and in actual real life forced me to deal with a lot of issues.
namely one, being my high anxiety which spurred on OCD tendencies also spurring on ADHD.

so i've been taking my meds for a while and thought i was doing great.
that was until this new hurdle decided to come up called moving and at the same time another hurdle called a court date to establish child support.

needless to say these "major issues" have so many sub issues, my head is once again spinning.
i find myself behaving the same as i had previously.
im nervous for everything, even things that are so second nature to me, or around people that i know love me and that i love too.
im itchy.  all of the time i am itching my legs and have really large scabs and scratches that i don't like to see.
my hygiene sucks.  i'll just leave it there.
im eating more.
i started throwing up after eating again sometimes.... only during high peak episodes.
im losing sleep.
my heart races.
ive been getting tremors at night sometimes.
im losing interest in people and things.
my body aches all over and random joints are painful.
housework is piling up yet i find myself in a catch 22... im obsessing about having to clean and organize and put things in a specific order and yet i find myself just going "meh" toward any action.

i mean these are just a few things....it's debilitating.  i know i need to call my psychiatrist for a higher dose but.... even that falls to the wayside because ignoring things is my coping mechanism apparently.

on a positive note, bubs and i moved to uptown and when im walkin about and exploring and being amidst people and cars and bikes, i breathe in deeply and feel home and happy and ... alive.

i think that's my only update.... no school.... currently no music although i miss it like hell.... just a ton of anxiety for the moment.

i have to say i believe in the meds im on.... they did me well for a few months and now... life is just proving too much and i think i just need an increase.... for now.  i dont want to be on pills forever...i just want to learn how to function again. 

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