i wish i were beautiful.
some days i look in the mirror and just hate what stares back at me.
i can only see what ive heard....
not quite this or that
this is just a small list.
there's days i wish i could see what some of the kinder people in my life tell me i am....
a good mom
more than enough
i wonder if i could actually see that im beautiful and believe it.... how my life would be different.
i wonder if i wasnt so focused on nit picking at my flaws, if i learned to love the skin and body i am in and love the person that i know i am, how drastically different things would be.
one day i want to wake up and not hate myself.
one day i want to be able to eat food and not be afraid of the fact that i may not have burned all of the calories i took in.
one day i want to know that i am kind and generous and loving.
one day i want to be so sure of these things that all of the negativity would fall to the wayside and i'd finally be free.
one day i want to believe in myself so much that i would never be back in this place....
this place where i hide from meeting new people because im afraid of what they think of me...
where i dont eat in front of people i dont know because im afraid of what they think of me...
where i dont tear apart my closet thinking i look like a balloon float in the macy's thanksgiving day parade....
where i can just love and accept me for me ....
one day ill be free of this....
i just wish that one day would hurry up.