it stinks that i always learn my lesson a little too late.
like right now... i dont know why i reacted and acted the way i did but self sabotage was sure the name of the game.... the game i fucking hate. i hate the fucking game.
i found someone i could just be a dorky weirdo with and instead i got so hung up on a label and a definitive answer to the age old girly question that i ruined it.
i forgot that it's just about a hand to hold, someone to dance awkwardly in front of, someone to joke with, someone to share the same bad story with over and over and act like it's the first time it's ever been told. i forgot that it's about just having weirdo adventures and smiles and hugs and late nite cuddles when you both wake up out of nowhere...
i hope i get to have that back....
i know i need to give space and time.
i know my brain on this logical course of thought needs more time... more time to make it stick.
i hope that with all this time he's still there.
cos i liked him.
it wasn't about the gooey, knee shaking feeling.
this time it was about the more important thing....
the smile. the smile that radiates from your insides out.
i got too caught up in the bullshit and was swept out to the shitty sea.
and it stinks.
and it's dark.
it's lumpy and lonely and ... well, it's shitty.
i hope for once.... just for once that he meant what he said, that it IS just a step back for now... just some time to sort ourselves out and get to be stupid and hang out again. cos he was fun to do that with.... i forgot that a little too soon.... and that sucks.