never

so maybe ill never be someone that's drop dead gorgeous, or highly talked about and sought after.  so maybe ill never be perfect at everything i touch.  so maybe ill never be rich or wealthy.  so maybe ill never be wearing the "in things" for this season's taxing trend.

maybe i will be awkward and quiet sometimes.  maybe i will be loud and giggly sometimes.  maybe i'll wear whatever's clean and somewhat matches and covers my butt and front parts over having closets full of clothes with price tags still on them from years of neglect.  maybe ill often be alone or hiding from the public eye.

i like being observant and quiet more now than i ever have.  i feel like i miss less.  patience has me slowing down to appreciate what is.... and not worry about what isnt, what could be, and what i am predisposing will happen and destroy the earth.  letting go of toxicity in the forms of people and things has been financially profitable and emotionally profitable.   i care a little less.  i sweat a little more these days but only due to a rise in temperature.  thanks summer!!

so there's that.  slowing down to see things as they are in the present moment and feel grateful that i got to experience it and thankful that it just is.  listening to sounds around me and being so quiet that sometimes it is deafening.  other times you hear some redneck argument in some super southern minnesota town at the drive in waiting for the movie to start.

everything is going to be okay.
i may not be any of those things i previously stated and maybe im not ideal by most standards, but im crafty and clever and resourceful.  im resilient in spite of my weaknesses.  im like a scrappy little dog.... maybe my bark is weak and censored, i will destroy you if you harm anyone i love or even so much as think of treating me like shit and lying.

im learning to slow down and appreciate myself and for the first time in a long time, having no fucks never felt so good.