Sunday, April 8, 2012

days 18 - 26: 30 day challenge

i have slacked hardcore on this and i saw myself getting crabby and sad and discouraged more easily than when i was on top of this whole endeavor.  i noticed bad behavior and thought patterns and even bad decision making coming back and taking over me.  it's funny, the power of positive thinking, what it does to the psyche and how it totally alters your lifestyle.

day 18:  i am passionate.  i am a lover.  as much as i claim to be a fighter.  i am a total lover.  i put 100% into everything i do and feel and say.  i don't hold back..... and that has come to bite me in the ass recently but i make no apologies for who i am.

day 19:  i am social.  i love meeting new people and making new friends.  i like finding out about people and getting to know who they are.  i get told im like a hyper puppy and far too excitable and who i am isn't for everyone.  im accepting that fact finally.  im not for everyone.

day 20:  i am determined.  i set my mind to something and work to get it done come hell or high water.  this is probably one of my favorite things i've noticed about myself.  im not a pushover any more and it only took me 28 years to get here but i am not turning back.

day 21:  i am stubborn.  this can be viewed as a bad thing indeed, and definitely when my daughter starts acting stubborn at her ripe old age of 2, i know where she got it from and already am aware of my impending doom when she gets older.  but i stick to my guns.  not to say im not open minded at all, but if i believe in something i don't back down, no matter the argument. 

day 22:  i am one sexy milftastic lady.  yep, i said it.  that sounds conceited and perverted as all hell, but i see no shame.  i would again sit here and start pointing out what im not: a size 0, perfectly done up every day, tight and toned in all the right places with huge jugs.... but what i am.... is a feisty, petite lady with half sleeves that are gonna be made into full ones when i get more money, long dark hair, bright eyes, a sweet smile, adorable freckles, a sweet ass, and the most hyper personality ever haha.  i find the combo attractive lol.

day 23:  i am plain.  i dont need to wear pounds of make up or designer clothes by any means.  how i wake up is how i wake up.  not to say i dont doll up from time to time or if i HAVE free time, take the time to look sweet even if its just for a trip to target, but im ok with just walkin outta the house sometimes.  i am who i am.

day 24:  i am simple.  i dont have a taste for the "finer things."  gimme a beer and a place to sit outside and im just dandy.  meh, on occasion its fun to get super prettied up and be fancy pants but.... im too chill for that to be a daily lifestyle.  i have no shame in ordering a whiskey coke at a seedy dive bar as long as no creepy old man is trying to score my number.

day 25:  i am a great writer.  i have lyrics running thru my brain daily at the worst times.  in fact, when i was younger, i would use my mom's eyeliner on toilet paper and write poems while i was droppin chocolate.  hahaha... TMI but... it's true.  ive moved onto writing on my refrigerator with a dry erase marker.

day 26:  i am a giver.  i can't tell you how much of my free time is my own, because i fear the number is too small to compute.  from sun up to sundown, i am constantly at someone else's disposal.  i am either taking care of my daughter, my cat, my house, my residents at work, or am doing stuff for school.  granted some of these "benefit" me but.... i do it all on my own.  i have pretty much 12-15 hours of "me" time per week which half the time i end up passing out from fatigue.  now i sound like im complaining, but im not.  it sucks at times not getting to be an adult without it breakin the bank with smaller checks from taking time off of work, but.... i get to learn daily how to help others, how to put others first, how to be patient and giving and caring, how to ignore my outside bullshit and just listen.  it's hard as hell, but i know it's making me a better person daily and im appreciative for these opportunities.

so here is my 8 days of bragging that i slacked on cos im obviously far too into myself for my own good.  again, i will reiterate that this is probably one of the hardest things ive set out to do and accomplish, but i do feel that it is completely necessary to have a reminder of the things that make me ME and to learn to love and appreciate those things about me that make me KELLY.  maybe they ARENT for everyone and not everyone will like me or want to be around me that i meet.  maybe im just too much for some and maybe im not enough for others.  that's ok.  im just the right amount for me. 

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