if im here an extra hour at work, awake, i will take this extra hour and waste a little bit of it on senseless brain blabber.
i've been smacked in the face by life lately. shit in NY was really scary and eye opening to how lucky i am for the little i have and the few people in my life that are actually trustworthy and not complete farts and asses. therein lies another lesson.
someone i swore off, someone i said i would never let near me ever again resurfaced last weekend. and i forgot how much i missed this person. i forgot how much they made me laugh and how good of a friend they always have been. i was blindsided by their flaws and addictions. who though, honestly, is without one vice or another? needless to say, im happy they resurfaced and that i didn't hold a grudge. i'm happy i am talking to them again and hanging out with them.
last month began with this "clinging to scraps and remains," fearing loss. this whirlwind of chaos, lies, cheating, backstabbing.... and those are the types of people i was clinging to... people that did all that! i don't need that drama and nonsense. i dont need semi SS soldiers reporting every little thing i say and feel back to a certain few. those are not friends. i dont even know who said what but i just am choosing to say nothing to any of them anymore. i will never understand that situation, what REALLY happened, and why it panned out the way it did. but it is what it is and what remains is me on a new path with a new beginning with an old friend and meeting new friends.
im putting myself out there, taking chances, embracing possibilities and simply seeing what's next, realizing that some people are simply not worth my time for various reasons and the only thing i can do is simply let go of what was and focus on what is. what will be remains unknown and that is the direction im heading in..... giant steps forward into the unknown.