like this is really news to anyone who has ever attempted to give me a morsel of advice in my entire lifespan of chaotic and confusing situations and scenarios...
but seriously i feel like i owe a lot of people a giant THANK YOU!!!
i hardly get a minute to breathe.
really, i hate it but when i do, i find that i am reflective and appreciative of life.
normally that appreciation comes in the form of loving nature and life outside but today...
today is one of those days i want to thank people.
i wont name names but there's a chunk o people that i owe huge thanks to.
there are people who have helped me out all in various ways and sadly, it has taken me a lot longer to grasp various concepts or acknowledge the fruits of said help than id have liked, but today....
today i feel very loved, very appreciative, and actually, very stupid for not applying these lessons sooner.
i came home to 4 envelopes.
each of these envelopes contained hope and promise and momentary relief.
i nearly jumped up and down on my bed with elation but then i remembered how badly we destroyed my bed frame trying to move it out of my old house and quickly concluded it would be a bad idea.
ive had people saying the same things in my ears for months and years now about letting go of worry and stress and letting go of trying to control the uncontrollable. the advice of letting life happen as it does and trusting POSITIVE changes will happen if i believe it can be so.
i scoffed at that, i laughed at it, i snickered at it and halfheartedly chewed on the concepts.
but just recently, i really started to apply those concepts to my life.
i saw how detrimental my thoughts and word choices (mentally and audibly) to myself really were and what a negative impact they were having on the outcome of my life as a whole. life was looking hopeless again and then i snapped. i started standing up for myself and TO myself.
and then today happened.
today happened where in a moment of floating in the breeze, the wind stopped, and i landed. i opened these 4 envelopes and it was like the universe gave me one giant hug and said, "see kel.... i gotcha. told ya so."
that's the first time ive ever been so happy for an "i told ya so" in my life.
im laughing at how stupid ive been and how mindlessly i bought into this idea that if i worried enough and flipped out enough, that somehow something would fix itself. but it cant. the more i pinholed on the negative, my world just became bleak and dismal and a pile of blackened despair on soggy bread.
it took just appreciating what is. the life around me and the amazing people i have around me... it took appreciating the little to see how much i really do have and then, like a bonus pretzel of epic proportions, the universe took a giant, explosive diarrhea of good karma upon my overtired and overcaffeinated self.
so dear friends that have been like a broken record to my deaf ears and calloused heart... to the friends and family that have been supportive and encouraging and just the most billowy piles of love and help - i am so sincerely thankful. yes, i am beyond the slowest of learners and yes, i can be so close minded and self centered and yes, i am more dense than a brick wall sometimes (if not a majority of the time), but all of your words and insight and love and help and encouragement.... i would not be where i am, right now, in this moment of sheer gratitude and happytimes without it.
so thank you. seriously and completely and indefinitely, THANK YOU.
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