so i have had this smith's song... please please please let me get what i want....stuck in my head all damn day.
and i had a chat with an amazing friend today and ...
people like me, the kind that never win anything, are a blip on the social radar, where people never remember their name or that they're around, the one that never gets the guy cos they're too shy or plain or goofy, the one that just seems to get the shit end of things.
and then those moments happen.... those epic, movie-scripted moments where this girl gets exactly what she wants. she's elated. i mean.... shit, it's like jesus is taking a dump of rainbow colored karma pills and there she stands, mouth open, arms outstretched, soaking in every cascading bowel movement of goodness. (gross i know im sorry.)
then the rain stops and she floats.
she floats in the most beautiful place.
lily pads and turtles, flowers of every color on still water.... the air is perfect and the sound is pure, only interrupted by the conversation nature is attempting to have with her.
greedily, she grabs an oar and disturbs the peace.
dissatisfied, she begins to whine and cry and hate.
she only sees in pinhole vision.... the way where the scope is narrowed and fixated on some microscopic circle.
but she sees what she wants so she pushes and sludges and gets stuck.
she's stuck and swearing and throwing things, disrupting and tormenting the beauty around her.
so much so, that eventually, it's gone.
it's gone and she gets angrier until she finds one lily pad, one petal from a flower to remind her of what was.
this beautifully unmarked moment to just float through.
but she fucked it up.
she fucked it up because of greed.
now she sits alone in this boat, oars cast behind her.
she feels the warm sun on her skin and the breeze disrupting the part she just combed in her hair.
she smells the fragrant aroma of life, closes her eyes, and takes it all in.
with eyes closed she can hiccup out a few regretful tears, but that is long gone now.
she's long gone now.
so while yes, it would be so nice to get what we want... when does it end?
when do we stop to realize that we already have all that we want and we need nothing more.
never satisfied we are so content to destroy life and play amongst the ruins, crying over bridges burned and cities lost.
so yes, regretful feelings come to the surface as i sit alone in this boat, oars left on the shore, floating into the most beautiful oblivion i have encountered yet.....