Monday, October 7, 2013

a momentary hippie rant

so guys, i unofficially quit my job today.
i woke up with the fullest of intentions on going in and completing this last week, having one week off, then starting my new job. 
well, i took one bite of boring ol oatmeal and my ulcer raged.  im not even sure if it's just one.  it feels like my intestinal tract is lined with an army that is raging nonstop at my expense. 
and then i decided no.

no, im not going to work myself til im sick and in the ER again.

and why do we?
why are we taught to strive for an outstanding dollar amount that will pay for things that most often are basic human necessities?  we need food, water, and shelter.  that is very much so.
but we are taught to strive for this endless amount of money to provide the best of the best of the best.
people die from stress and heart attacks or get sick or miss out on LIFE all at the expense of a paycheck.

i wont do it.
yes, i will work, but not if it means sacrificing my health again.
not if it means losing out on the most important things:  love, happiness, inner peace, learning, and sharing.

maybe i am a big ol god damn hippie.
i dont think it's fair the way the system is run.
we are taught to value people less and things more and confine ourselves to this hamster wheel of a life endlessly running and toiling away for the best of the best while sacrificing what matters most.

people matter most.
things... it's just materialistic stuff.
it's clutter.
people have lessons and stories and hugs and love and smiles.
people share themselves with you and expand your ways of thinkin.
people adventure with you and care for you.
people have experiences with you and grow with you.
people learn from you  and help you learn too.

i miss people. 
i spent over an hour driving to and from work to pick up my kid who got a shell of the mother i know i am all to make this amount of money i hadnt seen in a while.

and after nearly a month, it hit me how little it was worth it.
im going to take my new job working with children, MUCH closer to my house, and be happier.
im going to spend time with friends and hopefully lose the stress ulcer(s).
im going to take 2 weeks and give ME a breather and bubs the mom she deserves...
also im going to give our daycare provider a breather too :)

so friends.... maybe i sound like a self righteous bitch or a commie or a hippie or an idiot...
i dont care what i sound like.
i know what matters to me.
i would rather live humbly with my values than become a shriveled up morsel of the self i know i should be all for a god damn paycheck.

fuck money.
fuck the system.
love people.
learn from people.
share and be kind.
smile and have adventures.
surround yourself with those that make you happy and for fuck's sake...
take a breather.

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