Friday, November 19, 2010

winter hunger

no one seems to have an answer for why all of a sudden as the temperature drops and the sunlight lessens we become MORE hungry.  i'm sure there's some scientific reasoning or old wive's tale as to why, but it's nothing i know of.
and why is it that in the winter, we crave healthy things less and are drawn more towards salt, meat, baked goods, stews, and rich hot chocolate? 
in the summer i could LIVE off veggies, hummus, salad, and fruit.  my only weakness is iced coffee and the occasional ice cream treat.  once fall hits and the weather chills i want cookies, chilis, bread, casseroles, stews, rice, and potatoes. 
i mean, i understand the animals and why the squirrel that keeps trying to break through my upstairs window looks about as big as my cat- he's getting ready for winter, hibernation, and needs to stay warm outside. 
i live in a house with heat and have a lot of warm clothes (most of which fit).  so why is it that i can't stop EATING lately?  is it because i am drinking a ton of water to counteract the ridiculous amount of salt i've just consumed?  is it the coffee kicking my metabolism into overdrive and making me more hungry?  is it boredom since i can't go outside with audrey and take walks like i used to because it is 20 degrees out?
what is it?
whatever it is, it is killing my diet.  i had 5 pounds to go and now i think i have about 8.  i look like a darned balloon again.

and on this self loathing topic I AM MY WORST CRITIC!!!!  people at work tell me i look great after 8 months of having audrey out of me.  and what sucks worse is that i gained almost 60 pounds and like many, gaining weight is a cinch for me.... but losing it, there has always been my weakness.  if i were stupid and younger, i would revert back to my childhood and go back to starvation or crash diets of coffee and ice cubes and lettuce leaves with 4 hours of exercise attempted per day.  but this is reality- i have a full time job which allots me no time at all to get anything done and i have a baby.  josh works more than i do and stupider hours and has to teach jiu jitsu 4 days a week so it is fair to say that i have 2 full time jobs.  where do i get time to work out?  again, i am so hard on myself.
the great jean war is still going on as my old jeans still refuse to get past my hips.  i stare enviously at other women's bodies (especially those i know that have had kids already and are back to normal or THINNER) and wonder what the heck i'm doing wrong and why i cant just be thin again!

why is this even a big deal i wonder!  as long as we are all healthy it shouldn't matter but i guess because i was teased so much and liked so little for being heavy, i just want to be back to what i remember as a good size - but then i wonder if i am so mentally warped if any size will ever be good enough.

audrey's approaching 1 year old soon and if i am not back in my jeans by then, i might have a meltdown. 

so back to overeating.... i am making it my winter/holiday goal to CHILL OUT.... but so far, the past few days i have failed and failed miserably!  tomorrow's always another day, right?


  1. Hey girlfriend... I had a good friend once tell me to give yourself AT LEAST a year to slowly get back to your normal size. I am not my normal shape, and I'll never be... I didn't start fitting into my old jeans until Sitora was 16 months old. Every woman is different. :)

  2. i know and i understand that mentally but it just never clicks!