i think of how much i take for granted.
i looked at some thing online about the 35 happiest moments ever.
watching small children get so excited over a train or bubbles or a hug with a dog and seeing a deaf woman hear for the first time....
it made me realize something.
it made me realize how little i value my life.
i dread my waking moments because they are filled with bill collectors, a negative bank account, a near 4 year old with major listening problems and mild adhd....
but that isn't what life is supposed to be.
it's not a chore.
it's not just anticipating the next worse moment and with a heavy sigh trucking forward.
today may i live with the eyes of a child.
today may i find wonder and beauty and excitement in the small things.
today may i forget the things i cannot control and experience my waking moments for what they are meant to be.
may i find value in every tiny interaction with every person.
may i share love and smiles with everyone regardless of how they perceive me.
may kindness come from my mouth and not give home to any negative word.
maybe it's these tiny changes.
these tiny choices every day to choose to see the good and positive, to choose to find worth and value in the small that simply make those daunting adultish monsters disappear into the dark of night where they came from.
i can only try.