Wednesday, January 8, 2014

freeing up for something better

so no, this year has not began exactly as i'd hoped.
in a matter of two weeks i have had to say goodbye to a few people i care about, my trip to texas to visit an old friend got cancelled, and today, it looks like i have to let go of going back to school in january to begin a 10 year journey to being a scientist.

im not even kidding.
i really wanna be a research scientist.
i really miss these people i have had to say goodbye to.
i really wanted to visit texas, enjoy my friend and some warmer temperatures, and get a break from life.

but it's not in my cards.
my cards spoke of patience and my intuition.
my cards really spoke of patience.

what keeps resounding in my brain is this small, quiet, still voice telling me:
"being freed up for something better."

now normally im not a fan of positive mantra mumbo jumbo.
i don't have a thing that i speak over and over in times of stress.
i don't read the tampon box and feel energized by the positive saying to encourage me in my womanly time.

but this....
this quiet voice that keeps resounding when bad things are happening.
this voice i trust.
this voice i believe.

im frustrated dont get me wrong.
im upset and angry and feel cheated and flustered.
i feel hurt.

but for the first time it isn't sending me into a downward spiral of coffee, whiskey and cookies.
it's sending me into a proactive tornado of sorting out my shit and moving on to better.

so yet again, thanks life.  you may be throwing me curveballs and fireballs and fucking a-bombs but guess what?  i may swing and miss, but i still have another shot to make a hit.  so there.

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