Sunday, March 18, 2012

you can learn a lot from a 2 year old...

hangin out with audrey is always a learning experience.  little did i know today would be so therapeutic.  i have a hard time just letting life be as it may.  i like to know what is going to happen so i can prepare myself for the outcome.  silly, i know, but there's my baggage.  today, audrey wanted me to push her in the swing while i blew bubbles.  let me tell you, blowing bubbles is the most freeing feeling in the world. maybe it's because youre taking deep breaths, or maybe it's because of something that i understood today.  audrey kept saying "bye bubbles" every time the bubbles would float away.  then something clicked.  i thought about everything in my life that has no answer, everything that is giving me a headache and a stomach knot.  (my house, my ex, school, certain people for example.)  so with each long breath and string of bubbles, i let go.  i let go of worry and uncertainty and i let go of just simply not being able to control or foresee the outcome.  i have to just let life be as it may.  it's like another lesson my jiu jitsu instructor taught me a few months ago.  a heart monitor shows the activity of the heart.  when it peaks both up and down, it shows the heart is active and alive.  when it's a flat line, the heart has no activity and the person is not alive.  in order to be alive, you have to take the ups and downs, good and bad with life.  so, no, i cant control things and no, i dont know what the future is going to hold in all of these areas of my life, but.... i'm not meant to.....
"bye bubbles."

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