Friday, July 15, 2011

a break from mommy-ing

audrey and i are like joined at the hip, except when i'm working or if she's at daycare.  it is a rare moment that she is home and i am out with friends.... very rare.  i made it a point though this 28th year of my life to start making ME more of a priority.  i know i'm a good mom, i know i have only her best interests in mind, and i know i put her way more than first in my life.... so what's wrong with ME time?  nothing, that's what.

it has been bizarre the 2x i did get to go hang out with friends without her... i forgot how sarcastic i am.  i forgot how dorky i am.  i forgot how much i like to laugh.  i forgot how interested i am in hearing adults conversing on even the most far off topic from what i understand.  i forgot how much i love being around large groups of people and watching others i don't know in crowded public places.

i'm not going to feel bad no matter how much i'm made to sometimes.  i am a 28 year old woman with a child.  i'm a mom AND a 28 year old woman.  i can be both.  sometimes i feel kind of bad cos my weekends are shot from needing sleep to do my overnight shifts, but my once or twice a month excursions out of the confines of my house shouldn't be laden with guilt.  i should get to remember the joys of laughter and being a person, and being energized from that high come home to my sweet little lady who needs a happy mom and a mom that knows who she is.

i cant say i entered my 28th year of life with a handle on that very well.  i cant say i was genuinely happy, aware of myself, or anywhere CLOSE to feeling like a real person.  i CAN say however, that since aging, i feel a new found sense of courage and assurance.  i'm not a bad mom for needing a few nights out in a month.  i'm not a bad mom for needing NON-mom friends as well AS mom-friends.  i'm not a bad mom for having fun without my kid.  i'm not a bad mom for coming home after 1am.  i'm not a bad mom for simply needing a break.

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