Wednesday, May 22, 2013

need an opinion

k maybe i cant sleep cos im chewin on some shit...
so whoever is reading this, please, i need an opinion....

an unbiased, irreligious opinion.

my mom...
the woman has been nothing more than a female person to me for 90% of my life.  growing up she was usually out on dates with guys and spent child support on herself.
she married these weirdos that she didn't screen very well and were not all that great to my sister and i.
one christmas vacation i came home from college and she was apparently in the process of moving out with her boyfriend at the time leaving me in a vacant apartment with old halloween candy and instant coffee.
when i got pregnant she promised to come help me since J's mom passed away the day after bubs was born.
she never did.
i saw her once when bubs was 1.
she never calls.
when i used to call her it was a guilt trip for not calling or a story about some trip her husband and her went on.
she has been popping pain meds hardcore for the past 5 years and stole $9k from my grandma to move herself to arizona.
she left a snarky comment on a pic of my kids from a russian orphanage about how im an insensitive person and that my dear reader was the last straw.
i blocked her.
i deleted her.
yep, did all that to my own mom on facebook.

then i get a text from my sister 2 weeks later asking why.
then i get a phone call from a NY cell number i can only assume is my mother and let it go to voicemail.
checking my voicemail 3 days later it was in fact my mom.
she so monotonely said she was sorry and wants to see me and bubs and is once again visiting my sister in NY and has a 3 hour layover in mpls and wants me and bubs to come say hi.

i saved the voicemail simply because im not sure.
i feel like this is a repeticious cycle of guilt trips and im sorry's.
i feel like it's unfair to hold her issues against her though.
i know my own issues have pushed people out of my life that i just want back but...
i mean what do you do when it's the one person that is supposed to care about you and be there for you and calm your nerves and fears and be there to talk to about life?
how do you see past the words to find out if there is any validity in them at all?

so im just asking for an opinion.
deep down i think i should just bury the hatchet but in all seriousness im not sure i want anything to do with her at all....
yes, she had a few sparse moments of putting us first but 99% of my life it's been nothing but the opposite.
i just dont know if i want to stomach any more....

so what do you think?

1 comment:

  1. Wow that's a lot, what she put you through. I wouldn't blame you for not wanting to speak with her. But people change, maybe she's realized how she treated you in the past and wants another chance to start over. If you're able to do it, I'd say do it. Because either you'll realize that she's the same, and it will give you validation that she's still the same, or maybe she wants to step up, admit mistakes, and try for new start with you. But I say go. Because she made an attempt, which must mean something. If you don't go, it could be something you wished you would of done, down the road.