just simply too fucked up too know

a slip of the tongue, a few choice words, and you run faster than when we raced down to the stop sign on foot.
i felt you withdrawing anyway.
it's  a talent i have.
3 weeks of gushing, 1 week of regret, and then.... they run.

im not sure why either or what i do.
i guess some words slip from my  mouth unbeknown to me and must be loud enough cos.... they always run.

so here i am back on the merry side of being alone.
back to what i know and the solace of this thick gray blanket.
back to staring at walls and ceilings finding patterns and shapes and spots to count to make the seconds turn into minutes at  a quicker pace.

i know i wont hear from you again.
i know you wont say any of your own choice words to me again that freaked me out just the same.  i ignored those though and actually allowed myself to know what you meant and am glad i did.  but you, you cant look past a blunder of nonsense, a sleepdriven haze of verbal explosion to see anything but the words i said.
and they werent even BAD.
maybe they weirded you out but i didnt even mean them like that.

but such is life and maybe you arent the sweetest and nicest of people like you lead everyone on to believe.
another night of lost sleep because youre ignoring me.

i told you my secrets and you started to back off.
you wont say that you were but i know its true.

maybe im just too fucked up to interact with human kind.
im just too fucked up and broken and horribly out of place to know.
i just wish you didnt have to be the one to let me know.