Friday, December 28, 2012

i didn't need this..... or maybe i did?

im slowly realizing at the closing of 2012 that it has probably been one of the worst years i have experienced in a long time.
not to say it didn't have its highs, but it definitely had its larger share of lows.
i let far too many people fool me and deceive me and definitely put myself a bit too far on the back burner.... again.

i don't need people to say things they don't mean to see how far they can take me or what they can get from me.
i don't need people using me for sex or an emotional crutch/boost to their ego.
i don't need people keeping me around for convenience.
i don't need people forgetting im a person with feelings too.

yes that has been a resounding theme throughout most of my posts recently.
friend or more than friend i just want someone to be conscious of what they say to me, how they act around me, and just... well, just fucking BE NICE.  BE REAL.

i used to wonder what i was doing wrong.  i used to think maybe i was too much, overwhelming, too nice, too friendly, or hyper puppy status.
but that's me.
i love to love people.
i love to give and smile and make others feel like they are the most important person in the world, even if it's just for a few minutes of our time together.

and that is NO crime at all.

so, 2013 is going to start with a bang.
this little lady is pretty much done giving a fuck.
im done holding out hands that are being used as ashtrays or as a whipping post.
im done taking the fall so others can get up and run.

not to say im done being kind and nice and myself around others.
im just done investing in people that absolutely do not deserve it.

so if you find that i am being more standoffish toward you in the next few days/weeks/months, maybe instead of thinking IM being a bitch or being mean and pms-ing, you should probably analyze your own actions and behavior.

the world would be a much better place if everyone was giving and loving toward one another- familiar faces and strangers alike.  the world would be a much better place if everyone was selfless and kind.  why does it have to take some apocalyptic disaster or worldwide tragedy for us to realize these things?

maybe dear reader, whoever you may or may not be, this is your wake-up call for a new year.  stop being a jackass and be nice.  stop only being thoughtful and kind to those in your inner circle and broaden your horizons to embrace people of different social statuses and groups.  think of the people you're NOT getting to know because youre cold and close minded.  life is not high school, or at least it shouldn't be.  somehow it feels the same though.... being judged on who i know and what they wear and what they do.  fuck that noise.

2013 is a new year.
im vowing it to be drama FREE.
im vowing it to be full of new experiences and new faces.
im putting my foot down to all dipshits and self-righteous buttfucks.
im vowing it to be a year i love so relentlessly and hopefully, and with that love, change a few people for the better.

maybe if a few more people jumped on that bandwagon, the world may be a nicer place to live in.

sorry for being so preachy and potty mouthed.
im just really tired of tacky people.
i mean shit, im gonna be 30.... i thought by NOW people would learn that someone is more than what they wear or who they hang out with or where they hang out.... sadly.... high school has seeped its nonsense into adulthood and im vowing to put my foot down to that as well.

cheers to a new year, new experiences, new people, and a very very very very very NEW life.

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