Sunday, December 30, 2012

a break from the monotone beat

im not sure what the fuck i've been listening to all night.  this monotonous beat is numbing and i find my body moving at a snail's pace but my mind moving at light speed.

for once, oh for once, it is going to amazingly hopeful and positive places.
(nice break from the dismal reads, eh?)

i walked past my resident's door and im not sure if it was her idea or not, but a note i wrote her for christmas is on her door.... a reminder for her to be aware of what she speaks and to remember to be positive and that she is capable of far more than she knows.  that melted my heart.  and then i checked my little box and found all these positive little notes of encouragement that were left for me by my coworkers and residents.

 words have so much power.  i don't think we really take the time to realize it because we drone on day after day- routines, bullshit smiles and facades, mustering up the energy just to make it to the end when we can collapse into a safety net of cushion or booze.
i don't think many are actually very happy with who they are or what they do.
it's about the rat race, the money, the things and stuff and stuff and things.  it's about knowing and being known.

rarely is any time spent thinking about how we can make someone ELSE's day and that totally shouldn't be the case.  i like spreading smiles and kindness like stds.  (gross analogy but whatever.)

but anyway im just feeling so hopeful.
in just a few days it will be a new year, a clean slate, a fresh start.
a break from the old and in with so many new things.

music is becoming a major priority in my life again.  i feel at home with 6 strings beneath my fingers and sounds coming from the bowels of the past miseries and lessons learned.  im going to shows and making time to hear LOCAL stuff (i heart you mpls).
muay thai gets to happen TWICE a week for me (at least til march) which is amazingly motivating so i can not only get my ass in gear, but also get BETTER at something i really like.
im nearing the end of school!  limited scope license exam for xray  and board exam for certification in medical assisting coming up sooooon.  i graduate in september (3 months later than initially planned cos of a scheduling snafooooo but... the end is in sight!!!)!!!
i hope to move before my externship in july.  i really don't know that i can study with all the homeowner crap going on.
im ready to meet new people and try new things.
im getting rid of some pretty unhealthy habits to better my body as a whole along with training more.
i want to go places and fly kites and create more memories with audrey and maybe find a special friend to make memories with.  but if the latter doesnt happen, i honestly don't give a shit.  i like where my life is right now and where it's going and .... i'll get where i need to be eventually.

i love the journey im on.  i was thinking tonite about some awful mistakes ive made this year (sadly, most were in the form of trusting the opposite gender) but without those mistakes i wouldn't be where i am right now.  i wouldnt have the tenacity and fire and drive that i do.  im determined and set.  im not letting any more people derail me.  no more flaky bullshit fogging my view.  i know where i want to be and nothing is going to stop me from getting there.

for the first time in my life i feel like im right where i need to be... im in the right place at the right time.... and i can't wait to see how this story unfolds.

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