Saturday, December 22, 2012

"we're all lost...." he says

and so i reply "well then some must fake it better than others."

yes, i feel horribly lost.
i am mediocre at best at so MANY things when i want to be great and remembered for ONE thing.
i have all these tiny moments that, ok sure, are fun to revisit and live in from time to time, but i want that one epic moment, that one great fragment of time when i just know im there... when i just know im where im supposed to be for the first time in my whole life.

life is a journey they say.
im tired of wandering aimlessly.
sure i have somewhat of a direction with bubs and school and stuff but....
i feel like im in so many directions all the time all at once that i'm missing something.

i've had some pretty amazing moments recently and i just don't want those to end and maybe that's why im a complete fuck up and clutch them to my chest for dear life hoping they wont go away.

and that is when they do.

and that is when i get back up, sow more seeds, and hope something will bear fruit in the future.  that's all you can do right?  plant, wait, reap?
it's unfortunately a horrible thing for someone with ADHD and a high level of impatience.

maybe some little thing ive done or said 50 years from now will help save a life or change someone's outlook.  you can't downgrade how "small" of an impact you may make because you never know WHO you're impacting.

so impatient kelly, you must wait.

someday hopefully i'll see the footprint i leave in the world.
someday hopefully someone will appreciate my nerdy little self.
someday i can love and be loved in return.
someday hopefully i'll have made a difference in someone's life for good.
someday i will have inspired change.
someday i will have done something great.

impatient kelly.... you must wait.

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