oh my bubs...

it is so fun on overnight shifts when i have nothing better to do in an attempt to stay awake than to go thru pics from birth til now of my little lady bubs.

i think back to how many fun times we had together, how many adventures we've been on, how many scary moments we've had, how many smiles and laughs have been shared, and how many times she's fallen asleep in my arms to the sound of me singing to her.

her expressions are PRICELESS and i see so much of myself in her.  i see my faces and expressions and can almost remember what was going on when i snapped the pic (although there are like 10000000000000000000000 pics of my kid on facebook so, i dont remember EVERYthing, just most things).  i like thinking of what makes her smile and what gets her excited and has her just come ALIVE.

i didn't want to be a parent.  she was unexpected.
i don't know what the HELL i would do without her tho.
she has taught me what love really is, what patience is about, and for fucks sake, HOW TO LIVE.

the most freeing moments of my own personal life journey have happened as a result of playing with her.
have you ever rolled down a hill of leaves and just laughed your ass off?
when was the last time you laid on your back in the quiet morning snowfall watching each flake cascade to the ground through the branches of the overhead tree?
how many times have you played pirates on an inflatable pool raft in the living room wearing pirate hats and swinging bubble swords, shooting sharks with a nerf gun, all while speaking in pirate-ese?
do admit the last time you made a marching band and played instruments marching around the house yelling at the top of your lungs.....

it's the little things, those moments that many are too ashamed to have or too busy to have, that i appreciate the most with her and i hope one day she remembers best.

i LOVE my bubs.  LOVE LOVE LOVE that sweet little lady.

sometimes she says the cutest things...
"mommy i like you"
"i like going on adventures with you mommy.  youre fun."
"you funny mama"
"you look so cute"
"im your doctor.  i check your heart"

she loves me.  she loves me.  she loves me.
and that is all the love in the world i couldnt even ask for.
she is the greatest surprise and the most amazing gift i have ever received.
i love that i get to share her with others but i love most of all that she's mine, all mine.