so i went for a jog today. pushing 30 pounds in a jogging stroller of all things was grueling and barely 10 min in my knee was giving me crap so i had to stop and walk. but i kept walking and tried to jog some more but ended up walking 2/3 of my anticipated run.
it was nice tho. just to clear my head and have a chat with my audrey.
i put her in the car and remembered something J taught her to say. he told her to say "LIFE IS PAIN" when she falls down and starts crying. i find this to be awful and probably the most terrible thing to teach a 2 year old. so when i was buckling her in her carseat i looked at her and said "audrey, life is... GOOD." and she repeated it and the smile on her face was intoxicating and contagious. the whole ride home she made eyes at me in the rearview mirror and kept going "mommy, life is GOOD."
that was enough to make my day to teach my 2 year old daughter that life is NOT pain. life has pain but regardless of what is going on and how catastrophic the world may be exploding all around you, life is good.
so there is my happy little tidbit amongst all the uncomfortable changes i am having to make in my personal life and in my self. above everything, i have a bitty toothed reminder that life is good and worth smiling about no matter what.
i didnt think i could make it. for so long i was fearful of leaving J cos i didnt think i could do it. but every day my grades stay at A's and my house is clean and our bills are paid miraculously and we're fed, every day that audrey sings me johnny cash songs and gives me cuddles and smiles and hugs, i have a tiny reminder that life has highs and lows, ups and downs, pain and smiles, but above all, above all of those trivial little things i put so much effort and stress and conscious thought into, life really is good.