i had a little moment

and please dont read this and assume im on a whole bunch of shit.
im not.
i just had a little moment.

bubs and i went out to play in the snow and clear off my car  (and ok i have a garage and have used it ONCE this whole winter season....why i do not know).  we played hide and seek and made snow angels.

as i was making my snow angel, i had a moment.
i had a moment where i was laying in the cold snow, staring at a blue and white sky, decorated slightly with some barren tree branches, watching tiny white flakes cascade and dance their way to the earth below.

suddenly i had a moment where i realized how big the world is.
how much bigger everything really is.
how much bigger than me, my "to do" lists, my issues, my worries, my plaguing thoughts, my fears, my insecurities....
the world is big and so beautiful.

im an over-achiever by nature.
i spend so much time trying to do so much and be so many things at once, that sometimes i forget to just stop, SHUT UP, and look around.

for over 10 years i was suicidal and like horribly depressed and miserable.
i would always have these interluding moments where something would snap me into reality and i would realize how lucky i was to be alive and be able to meet new people, experience new things, go through a lot and still remain standing, and SEEEEEEE so much.

today was another moment.
another beautiful moment i felt really lucky to be alive.
really lucky to be able to have all my senses.
really lucky to see and feel.
really lucky that i got to have a little moment.

moral of my story:
go outside, lay in the snow, and just appreciate life.
i know im up and down with feelings and thoughts and situations.
im probably the last person you would expect to read this kind of stuff from or maybe youre like "lady get off the pills."
im not on anything i swear.
but seriously, im guilty as fuck of being so "busy" i forget to stop and appreciate life- appreciate what i get to see and feel every day, appreciate the little things.....
so take a minute or an hour or the whole day.... open your eyes to what is around you and realize you are fucking lucky.