Friday, February 8, 2013

my dear sweet friend

today a resident of mine was very sad.  she cried all night.  she cried most of the day.  it was brought to our attention that a resident that had passed away last year had had his funeral that exact same day one year ago.

last saturday i was curious as to why i was having strange occurrences that were mildly paranormal and while cleaning my house i threw out a calendar that noted the day he had passed away exactly one year ago.

so im taking a minute to stop and remember him.

before he had gotten really sick he was a very funny man.  he was a joker and yet he could be so temperamental, but all of it....it was so... him.  he loved to sing and dance and laugh.  he loved God and going to church.  he had the most amazing smile and then, when you pushed the right buttons, he made the maddest face, but even then it was so endearing.  he was a resident that could not speak many words at all.  but oh boy did he let you know how he was feeling - happy or sad.  he loved johnny cash.  i remember helping him in the mornings singing johnny cash songs with him and having him smile and sing along.  i remember dancing and clapping with him.  i remember helping him get ready in the morning and how he'd sit in his favorite recliner with a blanket over his lap, watching the sun come up with some jazz or old country music on.... and he looked so... content.

then he got sick.  it was so sad to watch him deteriorate to the point of being on hospice.  his final days were heartbreaking but he pushed through to spend one last christmas with his family.  i got to help him open his presents that night and although he wasn't in super smiley mode, you could tell he was glad to be there amongst family.

the night he died i was a few minutes too late to say my goodbye, but sitting beside his bed, staring at his lifeless, cold body.... i felt like he knew and it was enough.

it was nice to reflect on what he taught me then and it is nice to revisit it now.....

he taught me to love life.  he taught me to appreciate the little things and enjoy them.  oh my goodness to enjoy them.  while he was on hospice he pretty much got to eat whatever he wanted and it was so sweet to see him enjoy cheesecake and ice cream even though he couldnt stomach much.  he taught me to dance like no one was watching regardless IF anyone was watching.  he taught me to laugh and not to sweat the small things.  he taught me to enjoy the early morning quiet.  he taught me to appreciate the family around me, blood related or not.  he taught me to LOVE music and to SING all the time.  i could go on and on about all the things that man taught me in such a short time.

i remember saying good bye to him after every overnight shift never being sure when i would see him next.... and never really getting a chance to say goodbye before he slipped away.  i still stare at the room he passed away in and miss him.  he was so loved and so cared for and so appreciated by so many people.

so dear friend, dear sweet sweet friend... we miss you.  i still miss you and shed happy tears as i type this little note.  maybe i never said it enough to you while you were here, but you really taught me so much and left a huge impact on my life.  i learned a lot of johnny cash songs and taught my little bubs how to sing them too.  you'd be proud.  i hope wherever your sweet spirit is, that you are dancing and laughing and singing.  i hope you are eating all the ice cream and cheesecake you want and having a blast.  you're missed.  more than maybe you ever thought you would be.  

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