my eyes are legit burning.
my body feels like a decaying corpse.
but i cant sleep.
again my brain is going at warp speed and literally it's about absolute foolishness.
i watched UP last nite.
and it got me going in nerdy girl mode.
the opening scene makes me cry like for real tears.
it's so quirky to stare at the epitome of all that i want in life in cartoonish form.
a dorky little friend to hold hands with while reading.
a fellow nerd to gaze up into the sky and find shapes in the clouds.
someone to paint with and build with.
a buddy to adventure with and be silly with.
and at the end, he goes thru her adventure book and she'd left him a note thanking him for the adventure ....
and for some reason, in the racing thoughts of late night, that's all i really feel like having.
someone to call and be like "hey i cant sleep let's go exploring."
this is probably the girliest i will allow myself to get.
it's frustrating because i dont want the cliche bullshit.
i dont want marriage and the typical "relationship" type crap.
i dont want that and im not saying that to be convincing.
i want the little things that most take for granted- the little surprises that just let someone know youre thinking of them, spending time playing superheroes, flying kites, jumping in puddles, late night drives listening to music, staring at the clouds, laying around listening to old records on a rainy day....oddly, that is a relationship to me and i dont think any male person i have ever met gets that. i dont want fancy shit and elaborate vacations. i just want to be simple, dorky and sincere. someone that can stop what they're doing and grab your hand and dance in the middle of the kitchen just cos they felt the urge. no pressure, no fronts, no bullshit. just the genuine desire to be around you because they want to and shamelessly feel like showing you.
i can only believe that some day my adventure buddy will
pop his adorable little face in front of mine and say "hey you, let's
til then, i am awake, with racing brain, and girly cartoon thoughts.