happy birthday little monkey pants

3 years ago today... 3 years and almost 2 days ago I was just trying to do laundry and thought I peed my pants.  I was in the hospital waiting for this little bugger to come out of me.  Then came the pitocin and no epidural (my own choice).  Hours of pain and struggle turned into this amazing moment where I got to meet the one causing the lumps in my stomach and the overwhelming sense to urinate.  The funny thing is that she didn't even cry really.  She just looked at me and I looked at her and I knew everything was going to be INCREDIBLY different from then on.  And it has.  No longer is life about me and my choices and no longer do I get to sleep in EVER or spend money on whatever I want.  I cant just come and go as I please and explore the world on a whim....

There are days it totally frustrates me yes, but there are days I look at it and smile.  I didn't really have a desire to be a mom, but bubs came at a point in my life where my life needed saving.  So, I'm glad to have her.  She is a constant reminder to strive for better and make my life have value and meaning. 

There are plenty of times she drives me bananas.  No seriously....  There are also plenty of times she makes me smile and laugh and snort.  She reminds me to just let go and have fun, to not be caught up in all the bullshit that is called "adult life" and to just .... well... dance.  She reminds me to just wear colors and shapes and not to give a fuck.  She reminds me to just be happy.

I never thought a little person that is relying on me for care and support would have changed my perspective on my entire life.  I want to be able to take her to shows and introduce her to art and music and freedom and creativity.  I want to be able to take her on adventures and travel.  I want her to know that while maybe I didn't have the opportunity to, she can just go somewhere on a whim.  For now, we just take driving adventures around Minneapolis and find hole in the wall spots to poke in.... and plus she's a great thrifting buddy.  :)

So this is life.  I have a 3 year old monkey pants.  Her smile lights up the room.  Her voice makes my heart happy.  Her excitement can give me a headache but it's also contagious.  Her sense of style and adventure is life-giving.  She loves music and dancing and imagining.  She is empathetic and caring and loves making sure everyone is taken care of.  She is outgoing and wants to make a new best friend at every place we go.  She is friendly and loving and reminds me to be the same. 

While my life may not be exactly how I wanted it to be....sitting here watching her put on Elmo slippers while watching Dora.... my life is exactly how it's supposed to be... and I have this little 3 year old monkey pants to thank.  Bubba, you are AMAZING!!!