demon eyed nightmare

im never really sure how half of the things i say exit my mouth- good or bad.
today a story came out to someone that honestly i havent shared with anyone in about 8 months.
as it came out of my mouth and this person had a look of understanding and sadness for what happened, i shrugged it off as if it were really not a big deal.

but something hung around.
like some spirit not aware that it's time to move on and go on to the afterlife.
and it's been haunting me a little ever since.

i looked at his face again.
his beady, demon eyes.
and then relived a slight bit of the haze of a really uncomfortable situation.

i didnt get this person beat up.
i know where they work.
i know their schedule.
i know their name.
i have the means to get this person brutally hurt.

but i cant.
karma somehow rules my logic.

and im not one to hate ever.
but thinking about it now...
i really, really hate this person.
i dont know why i went and looked at his face again.
maybe i just wanted to make sure it really happened and i wasnt imagining it all.
but no.
those beady, demon-like, dark eyes.
that slimy, thin lipped grin.
that ugly, horrible person.

how easy it became a situation flipped on me.
how i got called out and bitched at for trying to stand up for myself and stand my ground in the line of fire.
and how easy you got off.
how many people i had at hand that wanted to kill you.
kill you bare handed.

i wish i screamed for help.
i mean shit, it was in my house.
my roommate was home.

i started fighting at the gym again after that.
you would be the last person to find a yes in my no.
and trust me, if i ever see you, i will hurl fistfuls of my disgusting vomit all over you.

one day maybe i will let go of this hate.
i hope maybe sharing the story again will help it go away for good.

so yeah, this horrible nightmare of a memory came out today so nonchalant and calm and as the day wore on, the dark scenes flashed in my subconscious.
maybe it needed to come out today though.
maybe today was the day i needed to start sharing it again and just let this fear and hate and anger out for good.

i mean- you lied, you deceived me with your bullshit sob story and valiant good nature, and you raped me.
sir, you raped me no matter how youd like to shift the blame on me.
no does not mean yes ever.

so the vague details are here.  the actual story is a bit much for a blog.
and no this isnt an attention ploy.
just a part of my story.
a part i need to just let out somewhere.
it's hard to say it to a human face.
so hopefully now, the images can start to go away.