it's like im waiting for some subliminal message to be made loud.
some landmine warning signal to tell me the way to go... to show me what the fuck it is im waiting on and for and where im headed to.
today is the first day in a while the thoughts became too loud and muddled all sense of logic and coherency.
they are still loudly raging and racing.
and oh how i would love for them to be silenced... with some proverbial duct tape or cholorformed rag.
i hate how easily they take over with their slick enunciation of thesaurus ridden speech.
these thoughts are so loud even now.
racing at speeds i cant clock.
they tell me im too big.
they make me feel bad for having eaten but tell me to eat more.
then when ive eaten more than i probably should have they begin the guilt cycle again.
they tell me no one likes me.
they tell me im a waste.
they tell me i am boring and useless.
they tell me i am ordinary and dull.
they tell me all of the things i know are false but somehow can not see past.
blindly and numbly i accept these things as truth and allow them to shackle my hands to weights no human could lift.
so i just sit.
i sit and i sulk and im miserable.
but the rest of you are happy.... so that's all that matters, right?
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