it's just like waking up

so a friend and i were talking.
i mentioned how i feel like im being woken up for the first time... and how in the same moment of enjoyment, i hate it.
i hate that it has taken me so long to get to this place where things are clear in my vision and in my thoughts.
we were discussing how some people cant see that way.  how they just stress and strive for money and things and more of some obscure lifestyle.  they see no one but themselves and seek their own benefit and gain.
i mentioned how i was there once.
this angry little shit.
an angry little shit so hellbent on making everyone else suffer because i was in pain.
and the reason i was in pain and feeling suffering?
i was misunderstood.
i had no one around me to let me know i WAS in fact normal.
i may not see the world in "9-5's" and "401k vision,"  but im normal.
there are others.
there are others who have been woken up.
there are others who are wide awake.
we see things so much differently.
it's a different i dont even have the words for anymore.
it's like trying to explain the feeling a painting or a song gives you... some people will merely see splashes and scribbles while you see existence and beauty and an elation that you can not find words for.
there are times when people are so close... so close to being woken up....
but the sound and the feeling of being uprooted from a ground you cling so tightly to for security and safety.... it's unsettling.
it's scary and most would rather shut their eyes and burrow their roots even deeper than take the risk, the leap across the canyon and trust that what is will be a safe place for your feet to land.
i can understand tho.
the ability to bury my roots in "safety" kept me asleep for far too long....
sometimes i can still hear the roots being torn when some new change is taking place to wake me up even further.
and then he said something.
i dont really remember exactly what it was....
but it was this level of awareness i know is there but i would rather, for right now, stay ignorant too.
it is where i shut my eyes and bury my own little tiny roots in this level of awareness where i am right now.
but there is a higher place i want to visit and more than i want to experience.
im not fully awake yet, but having been woken up has been an amazing life change that i so desperately needed.
so while there is no certainty or security, it's amazing to be woken up.
it's amazing to let those roots just tear and allow yourself to be transported to this new place of living- this awareness of others and self, this appreciation for beauty in things seen and unseen, this ability to be empathetic and loving, this fascination with the simple and the vast....
wake up.
life's much better outside of hazy dreams.
this world can be pretty damn beautiful sometimes.