everything feels completely futile worth desiring.
i want to retreat within my paper thin skin and hide.
hide as if its some metallic fortress able to keep me safe.
safe from the memory of your hands and lips and sight.
these gray ashes tarnish my skin to a point unrecognizable.
endless shame for feeling mere infatuation at the glimmer of a smile.
foolish, small girl i am for wandering down that road.
i am but a transparent image of nonsense and mistakes.
ill let you go fade into nightmarish remains of memories on playback.
ill let you go as my lungs collapse from the weight of screams i cant contain.
ill let my dirty hands and face come clean from endless streams.
i cant stop the speeds at which theyre falling.
burning hate wells up in my chest and behind my bloodshot eyes.
i said too little then and too much in the aftermath of it all.
a glutton for sweet talk and craft beer and promises of days after.
how shamelessly i flaunted myself in front of the blade for my slaughter.
easier to hide in the guilt and blame you piled in high mounds
hoping to escape the evidence of your murderous hands
your smug arrogance won the battle over my confused, weak mind
i was left to swallow the jagged remains of this bitter reality
ill let you go fade into nightmarish remains of memories i want to erase.
ill let you go as my voice grows hoarse from screams i cant silence.
these endless streams are all that will cleanse this dirty skin
and with it wash away the flashbacks of dim lighting and your demonic gaze
somewhere in the cobwebbed corners where ive been trying to escape
there's the plug to the drain and i can just let this all go away
i can watch it swirl in beautiful patterns and shapes and become less and less
til it's nothing but a residue i can easily wipe away
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