the life of a loner

i realized a few things recently.

i really hate being lied to.
i hate being strung along like a dummy only to be abandoned, drowning in a sea of lies.
i hate when people can't be real with me treating me like im some small animal that needs to be coddled and protected from reality even though they don't like it and want nothing to do with it.... like some rescue animal covered in garbage and fleas.

i really wish people would just be straight with me.
tell me like it is.
i get more hurt when i know im not being given the whole truth than when people just say it like it is.
i hate when people skirt around it and offer some options as to why things are they way they are or make up excuses that very well have nothing to do with the matter at hand.

i hate it.
i really hate it.

i realized that i am probably going to be quite the loner since most people i know can't just be upfront and straight.
and i realize that not everyone thinks and feels how i do and that most people have their own way of dealing with things that is very different from how i feel is logical, but, i make it a clear point when i meet people of all genders to tell them to just be straight with me from day 1.

i feel like my stomach has a rock that keeps sinking lower and lower and lower.  there goes the uterus.

i started writing a song on my drive home from work.
it'll be up soon.

regardless, im thankful for the few in my life that know me, get me, and respect me enough to treat me with dignity.  for those of you that are yourselves and treat me like a person .... you have no idea how much you mean to me.  for those of you that dont, well, it's not my place to call you a coward or a phony, but i certainly wish you would just tell me like it is and be your real true self.
if you don't like me.... say so.
if you do.... say so.
i don't understand where the confusion lies.

just be yourself and treat others how you would want to be treated.  it's the oldest, most cliche words of wisdom that i wish more people would live out.

respect differences, embrace yourself, and just love others.  what is the problem?  who are you to be so high and mighty and judgmental?   how is it your place to cast a scowl or stick your nose up at someone else for being different or simply not acting how you think is "cool?" 
i really just don't get it.

maybe im just old.  maybe i think too much.
maybe im just a goddamn hippie.
regardless, i wish people were just nicer, not just to me, but to one another.
this is a lesson i still have to work on as well, because i dont always find myself acting kindly and fairly.

so ill start over with the rest....